Howince: A Boosh Fairytale Part 1
by Alice600
Summary: Just as Vince start's to have doubts about his relationship with Howard Naboo's niece comes to live with her Uncle and begin school at Daltson’s local shaman school.I would love feedback of any kind


**Title:** A Boosh Fairy Tale

**Pairing** or **Characters**: Howince  
**Summary**: Naboo's niece comes to live with her uncle and begin school at Daltson's local shaman school. Can Vince and Howard learn to live with the little girl and grow as a couple?  
**Rating**: pg-13

**Warnings:** Unless you have issues with men kissing and sleeping in a bed for this chapter you will be fine.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own these characters or make a profit off them. They belong to Baby Cow productions and Noel Fielding and Julian Barrett. You men deserve metals of honor for what you created oh heck knighthood!

**Author's Notes**: Okay I will admit this is a long story but so far everyone who reads it loves it! And I am very proud of what I created. That and I converted all my college friends into huge Boosh fans.

By Alice_600

Chapter 1

Vince was caressed awake by Howard "Wake up sleepy little man."

"Howard please it's early." The younger man moaned as he pulled his pillow over his head.

Howard kissed his lover's bare neck and the small of his back "Oh but my little snuggles the tiger. I have a sudden urge to make you a lover's breakfast,"

"Can ya just make me eggs?" Vince asked peeking out from under the pillow.

"Yes and I know just the eggs to make you." Howard then growled in Vince's ear.

Vince rolled over and smiled "Can ya make me an omelette?"

"Thought you just wanted eggs?" Howard kissed his lover's forehead.

Vince smiled a small strained smile, "Omelette's eggs isn't it?"

"Of course..." Howard then got up from the bed and went to the kitchen leaving Vince alone.

Vince listened to Howard's joyous feet as he danced his way to the kitchen scat singing. Then Vince sat up with the blanket wrapped around his waist. Laying his head back on the head board for a moment looking at himself in his vanity mirror that was at the foot of their bed. Howard got it for him at a boot sale to help organize all his jewellery, make-up, hair tools and creams. Vince liked it a lot it was an old wooden vanity that had old style carvings of the planets, the sun and the moon and stars set inlayed into the frames of the three mirrors. The pulls on the drawers were of cherubs and inlayed into the top of the wood was a globe like map of the constellations. He did like it he just wondered if that was the real reason why Howard got him the vanity was because he loved him. Or was it for something else something he was now regretting.

Vince then suddenly looked at himself in the mirror again, oh shit, he forgot to take his makeup off last night. He looked like a racoon. He got up put on his pyjamas bottoms he wore before he and Howard had intercourse and went to the bath and washed his face, rubbed into his skin face cream, giving his hair a quick brush up before he wrapped himself in his dark blue kimono dressing gown. Looking at his face one last time into the mirror he looked at himself feeling alone for some reason like last night wasn't anything at all "It's just the day." He lied.

When he came out into the kitchen area he sat down at the table. Howard served him a cup of tea. "Cheers Howard," Vince forced himself to smile.

"Don't mention it." then kissed his lover's cheek.

This was becoming too routine for Vince. His interest in Howard waned as they went on as lovers. It was over a year after Howard's birthday party when they kissed for the first time. It just seemed so pointless now being in love with Howard. Like the thrill was over now it was just so...boring like his own life became like the directions on a shampoo bottle. Get up spend the day working at the shop, eat lunch, work more, eat dinner, watch telly, have sex, sleep, be treated like a prince the next morning and repeat.

Later when they both were dressed and ready for the day Howard left to drop the mail out to the post. Vince then saw a few birds that landed at the window sill in the sitting room for their breakfast.

Vince perked up and picked up the metal tea box he used to store the bird seed and opened the window. Vince Noir has the ability to converse with animals. It was an ability he used to his advantage while living in the big city.

"Hey fellas, what's new?" Vince spread the seed on the sill and the birds ate happily telling him what they knew. He petted them gently as they told him about what they saw and heard during the night. Such as celebrities and fashion trends before even "Cheekbone" knew they were coming out. In exchange they got from him food and could take shelter in the houses he had in the back.

A little bluebird landed on the edge of the opened tin and tweeted to him news about Pete Neon. Pete and his band had stopped performing for some reason and Vince like most of the UK wanted to know why.

"So you saw him again?" Vince asked the bluebird who chirped then took another sunflower seed from the tin. "What was he doin' with that woman at hospital then?" This was the only excitement besides clubbing he had anymore. He realized at that moment he had become a bored housewife.

When Howard came back up his steps were like that of a disciplinary father "Vince? Sugar plum biscuits?" He had that tone too.

Vince rolled his eyes he said to the birds "See ya later fella's "

"Yes?" he asked Vince then shut the window.

Howard put his hands on his waist "You did remember to close and lock the shop last night?" he asked.

"Yeah why?" he turned around and put the box away.

Howard then said "Then explain to me why there is a little girl in the shop?"

"A little girl?" he asked.

Vince went down into to the shop below where they lived and found her. She wore a burgundy red heavily embroidered outfit and a Turkish hat that had a veil flowing behind her head. Her appearance was about 5-6 years old her hair was dark long almost half way down her legs. Her complexion was pale but her cheeks were rosy red and her eyes violet like a flower. She looked like Naboo a more female Naboo. When she looked at Vince she looked sad and scared.

"Why is there a girl in our shop?" Vince asked.

They were bewildered as to how she got in here. The place was locked tight. "I bet ya she was playing with her friends and got lost." Howard knelt down in front of her "Hi." He greeted her with a smile "You lost?"

"No sir, I'm looking for Naboo the Enigma." She said to them.

"Awe how cute," Vince was feeling a bit snide. "Do you want your fortune told? See who you will marry? Like that Aladdin you met on the slide?"

"No sir," she shook her head making the coins on her hat jingle "I am a shaman in training here to see him. I am Epiphany Pleasantries I am his niece ready for Shaman School."

Howard then introduced himself "I am Howard Moon and this is Vince Noir we work and live with your uncle."

She shook Howard's hands very lady like. "Pleasure to meet you both sirs," She said very proper.

Naboo came down with Bollo. "Epiphany it's been too long how was your trip?"

"It was fine." She nodded.

"I see you have met Howard and Vince my employees." Naboo stated. "This is my familiar Bollo."

Bollo just gave a wave "Hi, welcome to Earth, Country: United Kingdom, city of Daltson."

"Bollo get 'er 'hings and bring 'em up." Naboo then held his hand out "Com'on I'll get ya settled in."

Bollo grabbed her trunk and she went upstairs. Vince watched her as she nervously held onto the banister as she went up to the flat looking back why did he feel different?

Howard and Vince went back upstairs too "Ya know what this means?" Howard asked.

"Wha?" asked Vince following Howard back up.

"We can't be doing what we normally do."

"We can't walk around in our pants?" asked Vince.

Howard nodded "Right, keep the cursing down to a minimum and we can't have sex when she's around." He plopped himself on the sofa.

Vince suddenly was crushed there was rules here now? He sat next to Howard "Aw com'on, ya mean I can't even play find the trouser snake?"

Just then a snake in trousers slithered away "Right! I'm done here."

"No it's not proper." Howard sensed that Vince was not happy with it "Look I'll talk to Naboo maybe every Saturday they can go out for a few hours to the park or a ride on the carpet."

Howard put his arms around him "We'll get through it." then kissed him tenderly. The way Howard looked at him he had a feeling it would be alright between them. Then Howard just had to ruin the moment.

Howard sat up and holding a finger up in the air "But we could make this into an interesting opportunity to see how well we can handle a child."

Vince didn't like where this was going "What ya mean handle a child?" He pulled away "I don't want children."

"Oh no, no, no, no, no not at all, my little peach dumpling," Howard held Vince's hands. "We will use this time to show how much we can be good parents."

Vince gave a look of disgust "Parents? Who said I wanted to have children in this relationship?"

"Don't you think that maybe I wanted children Vince?" Howard argued "Someone to pass on what I know to the next generation."

"Really what do you know Howard?" Vince asked "I guess this relationship is just all about what you want isn't it?"

Howard wasn't going to back down "Like it or not she is here and we can either accept it or fight it."

"Well I won't have to like it then either." He turned away folding his arms.

Naboo came out of his room he stood in front of them "Well since we 'ave a fifth person," Naboo told them "Epiphany will be staying in your room. " 'm Sorry Vince, you Howard and Epiphany need to share a room together till I have a wall put up."

Before Vince could protest, Howard nodded "Of course she is here to learn the ways of her uncle. We will accommodate her as long as we get time alone as a couple."

The shaman nodded "She has Shaman School during the day and once a week she has jazz tap dance lessons on Thursday night." Naboo told them.

Howard smiled not believing it "She's learning jazz tap?"

Vince could not believe this! What did he do to Mick Jagger to en cure his wrath? He got up and went to the kitchen to slam his head on the pillar to make sure he was awake and not having a nightmare.

Naboo nodded "Oh she loves Jazz loves all types of all music actually and it's a requirement that every shaman learns jazz tap dancing." Naboo then demonstrated his moves.

"Oh how exciting Vince we can go to recitals and watch her and her class dance to jazz!" Howard's was so full of joy to finally have someone to do jazz stuffs with.

Vince now with a headache wanted to run and hide in the nearest sewer in Shoreditch only to emerge at night. He instead forced a smile "Yeah as exciting as watching paint dry."

"I think with the right attitude this will be a rewarding experience." Howard told him.

Vince wanted to tell him to get stuffed "For you maybe but for me this will be a total nightmare."

"Just try, this is for Naboo." Howard said frustrated.

Vince gritted his teeth "Alright but If I step on one Thomas the Tank Engine I will be gone." He fumed.

"She's a girl I don't think she plays with Thomas the Tank."

"Barbie, Ken, what ev'er." Vince then left to the bathroom slamming the door and Howard shook his head and with a sigh went to open the shop.


End file.
